Photo by Joseph Levinski

As much as I’d personally like Ms. Palin to join the BP suits in physically plugging the hole, I’m talking about tea.

Not Oolong or Darjeeling or fancy-blends like Fairy-eyelash flower or Lotus-sutra mint but straight-up Lipton tea-flavored tea. A 100-count box, with each individual bag sewn together by hand, by me, with needle and thread.

It was my sixth grade science project. This was the Spring of 1989, right after the Exxon Valdez spilled 10.8 millions gallons of crude into the Prince William Sound. Inspired by Exxon’s slow-going cleanup efforts, I filled the biggest casserole dish I could find with salt water and a quart of Wesson Oil and submerged my 100-bag mass. It was Operation Tea Party, and while it didn’t get every last drop of oil, it soaked up enough for me to get an A.

BP should try this. Lipton tea would get a boost and hey, what do they have to lose? I’ve read the headlines, seen the live video feeds and heard the poor excuses. Like millions of Americans, I’m upset by the current comedy of errors. I’m also sad, and scared, that with all the science that money can buy, BP is still getting an F.