You can almost hear the gobbling from our balcony. After all, the number one source of Thanksgiving’s finest is only an hour or so away from Durham.

We’re talking about Butterball of course. And for all your bird-basting questions, their famous Turkey Talk-Line is there to help, 24 hours a day.

Below are a few “re-creations” of memorable calls.

*The following is only loosely based in fact and any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

CALLER:     My Chihuahua is stuck inside my turkey!
HOTLINE:   Ma’am?
CALLER:     She crawled in by accident. I’ve tried pulling and shaking…
HOTLINE:   Just cut the neck opening wider ma’am.

CALLER:     Is it okay to carve a turkey with a chainsaw?
HOTLINE:   Try the chainsaw’s little cousin, the “electric knife.”

CALLER:     Can I microwave a turkey?
HOTLINE:   We recommend baking it sir.
CALLER:     Don’t got an oven. How long to nuke it?
HOTLINE:   9-10 minutes per pound on medium.

CALLER:    I’ve heard you can cook a turkey in a truck engine. That true?
HOTLINE:  We don’t recommend it. If you do, wrap it in plenty of foil.
CALLER:    What about the motor oil and stuff?
HOTLINE:  That’s why you use the foil, sir.

CALLER:     How long to roast my turkey?
HOTLINE:   How much does it weight ma’am?
CALLER:     I don't know, it's still running around outside.

CALLER:     How do I make my turkey vegetarian?
HOTLINE:   Don’t eat it.
CALLER:     Do you sell vegetarian turkeys?
HOTLINE:   All turkeys are vegetarians.
CALLER:     Okay, cool.

CALLER:     Will turkey make my dog go to sleep?
HOTLINE:   Not to my knowledge.
CALLER:     What about my relatives, how much turkey does it take to really knock ‘em out?

CALLER:     I was roasting my bird and now my kitchen is on fire.
HOTLINE:   Hang up right now ma’am and call the fire department.