Microsoft’s new search engine, Bing, bills itself as a “decision engine.” In actuality I think it’s more of a “decision French maid”— it organizes your search results but puts things where you can’t find them, all while wearing a cute little outfit.

Case in point. This scene wafts me away to the Mediterranean where a bottle of Chianti awaits. If Bing is a decision engine, then my very first one is to go to Travelocity.com RIGHT NOW!

For indecisive types like me, a real-life adjudicator would put an end to countless hours of grocery store wandering and dead-end dating. Like a pocket protector or a guardian angel, it would help me feel secure in everything I do. Luckily, I’ve got options.

Hunch.com promises to answer any and all lingering questions in my head. All I have to do is answer twenty questions about myself.  (My god, I’m less complex than an IRS form.)

When I feel existential angst, I can check and see if I’m depressed or not on the Sad Scale.

The ol’ Wheel of Food will recommend a lunch spot for me with no supporting evidence other than an address.

For decisions made just the way I like them- without any strategy or common sense, I go to random.org. They boast that, “Most computer programs are pseudo-random...random.org offers true random numbers to anyone on the Internet.”

Onsite applications let you flip your global and historical choice of coin, roll virtual dice and generate a series of random calendar dates.

My coin of choice:

1935 Buffalo Nickel

When I’m in the mood for a little mystical advice, I check the Tarot Reading Widget from Apple Downloads. Its scarily true readings give me the shivers every time.

Of course, I could just listen to my gut, but I’m waiting for an intuition widget to come out with that.